I went inside a hole for a little while!

Hello again world!

I went away for a little while and am back and alive and well to tell the tale! I went MIA. That's right- missing in action... why? Who really knows because it was time for me to do it. I did not intentionally decide to go MIA, these sorts of things tend to just occur. I felt bogged down, under the weather, very melancholy and it's frustrating because when I am in that space, nothing else really exists. The world feels heavy on my heart and in my eyes. I feel like the world adopts a spectrum of grey colour. I don't like being in that space and am grateful for going sideways when I come out. It's like I am renewed and refreshed like I have just hibernated for a while.

You know when you are sick and don't want to be sick. You fight that you have the flu for a few days and finally give in. But when you give in you have no energy, no sex drive, no desire. You attempt to do normal things but quickly realize you do not have the motivation nor drive to do them. And when you do do things you are horrible at them and they make you more frustrated b/c you know you can do them. But then you sleep... you feel drowsy, you watch horrible TV and movies- drink a lot of tea. And you still feel like garbage. One day, though, you start to feel brighter. You think- AHA! I am coming through this. You get up, shower, put on comfy jeans- which is a step up from the jammies you have been wearing for 3 days, and get some fresh air. You go no further than the end of your block to realize you are plum tuckered out. You attempt to fight the feeling and think- the fresh air will do me some good! You push through it and then are more drained. You retreat to you solitude in your room, tired, exhausted, mad at the world, you sleep, maybe cry a little. The next day you sleep some more. On the 6th day you are feeling okay. You doubt whether the same thing will happen that happened on you walk so you take it slow. You have been wiped out from the flu. But you go out and do something and it isn't as hard. And you laugh, not because of an obligation but because you think something is funny. You eat your favorite food- it tastes good and doesn't make your tummy flip. You are on the mend you are doing okay!

Well folks, I am talking about that first laughter! After being stuck inside for a while that first burst of energy feels more delicious than all the laughter you have ever had. And when you try something again are can do it- there is joy! When your friends call you and you have the desire and energy to join them or even talk to them, which you haven't for the past week- there is joy! And my weird and wonderful world, that is where I am! I am in the joy... I don't know if my MIA phase is completely over... but it's on it's way out. And I could be mad at it and determined to never have a phase like that again. Instead, however, I am grateful to have had it to feel refreshed and renewed and ready to tackle the world again. I am grateful it is over and grateful it has happened. Grateful to see it pass and happy to say goodbye.

Happy sunday everyone!!
Love & Respect!