The truth...
I was in love oh- a few years ago now. I've never been the same since! It hit me like a mac truck, out of no where and I felt like I could not go on without him. Isn't that always what people say happens? It happened when I least expected it. It came out of no where. I was finally happy being single and then there he/she was! I guess that is just how it all happens!
That too is how it was for me. I was in deep deep love and I didn't want anything else except to be with this man for the rest of my days and he wanted that too! What happened? Where did it go sour? Where did it all end? He was into drugs and I was on the roller coaster with him for a while. I was willing to stick it out, I mean isn't that what a partner does? Support the one they love through rough times? At what cost though? I mean is love really enough? Is love really all you need?
It breaks my heart to ask such questions because, truthfully I want SO badly for that to be true, but don't really know if it is. I tried to do so many things for him... man I tried to give him it all I tried to give him the WORLD! All my family and ALL my friends were against us. They saw what it was doing to me and wanted me to leave. In fact no one wanted me to even get involved and couldn't believe I did. If one of my friends were to get involved with a person in the same situation as my love I would have done the exact same thing. I do not fault them for that at all. At the same time it hurt because I couldn't share the joys with them because they saw it all with jaded eyes.
I was with this man in Ontario and I left and have moved back home to Vancouver, where I have been for two years. I still think about him ALL THE TIME! How long does it take for a broken heart to heal? Does it ever really heal? I want to be in love again AND I want to be with him again. I know it wouldn't work with him but I come back to the question I asked before. Couldn't I just love him enough that it would all be ok? And I don't think it would be. I don't think love is always enough. And that... breaks my heart too.
Love and Respect
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
What is the point!!??? ... of being so stressed out?
Hello again world- it's Kelsey here advocating for just CHILLING OUT! Why do we do what we do? Why do we stress ourselves out to the MAX for no apparent reason? I know sometimes I think I am being more efficient or effective if I am thinking about what I need to do ALL DAY LONG! And I also believe that I am coming to some sort of conclusion or resolution to my situation or problem if I think about it ALL DAY LONG!
Let me tell you that I do not think this is true anymore! What changed you ask? What revaluation occurred? Where did my AHA moment stem from? From hitting my head against that damned brick wall so many times I have a perpetual headache and cannot see anymore! Einstien did say that the true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! Well I give it! I don't know what I am going to do different- but it will be something!!!
Happy full moon day!
Love and Respect!
Let me tell you that I do not think this is true anymore! What changed you ask? What revaluation occurred? Where did my AHA moment stem from? From hitting my head against that damned brick wall so many times I have a perpetual headache and cannot see anymore! Einstien did say that the true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! Well I give it! I don't know what I am going to do different- but it will be something!!!
Happy full moon day!
Love and Respect!
Monday, November 30, 2009
What is love?
What is love?? Baby don't hurt me... don't hurt me... no more. Check out the music video on You Tube - Haddaway - what is love, original
Ok- so WHAT IS LOVE? We all seem to want it with many stipulations. I want to love without breaking my heart. We resist having out hearts broken. You know the phrase "Oh she broke my heart" "He's a heart breaker" "They got their heart broken".
Then we think we want love but do we? We dream what it would be like to have our perfect puzzle piece (I stole that phrase from one of my friends!) However, we are to frightened to actually dive in and make commitment. Don't get me wrong, I am just as terrified as the next person. But why am I so terrified? Why is it that which I want I almost ensure I don't have?
I am not a serial monogamous person. I do not sleep around. I have not dated in just over a year- and that was only a couple months at most! In the last two and a half years I have had three boyfriends all lasting under 4 months. I was the one, every time to break them off. Does that mean they weren't right for me? Does that mean I wasn't right for them? Does that mean I don't like commitment? Does that mean I wasn't in the right pace to be in a relationship?
People construct these ideas of who their perfect person will be- and then when they meet they are too terrified to do anything about it! And then there is always the argument "how do you meet people?" Well- I really do not believe it is a science! I met my friends, my past boyfriends, many many other people in my life! Relationships are happening out there, just not to me! I am sure that many people have various stories of how they met. Whether through work, a friend, online, in a coffee shop, in line at the grocery store, or at the gym! I don't know how people meet other people- but I assure you, it does happen!
Back to the topic of love- if we go in with preconceived notions that we don't want to get hurt or that the other person only wants sex, or that they are too good for us, or that we are too good for them, or they have brown hair and I really like blonds, or their boobs are too big or too small, or their dicks might be too big or too small, or their too hairy, I don't like their clothes, I don't like the way they asked me out they should have done it like this instead... blah blah blah blah blah
I mean we are really- and I mean REALLY- limiting our options. I don't know if any of you are Seinfeld lovers like myself- but think about Jerry! If we all are Jerry's what is going to happen to this world?!! Question for you all!!! Are we really feeling the way their hair is styled is a "deal breaker"? Or are we just to damn chicken shit to actually take a gamble that our hearts will be broken. OR WORSE... our hearts WON'T be broken and all our dreams will come true. Or at least one part of the dream I mean a love-relationship really won't make all our dreams come true will it!? Or will it?! I don't know the answer for you but I write this because I have been contemplating these very questions the last little while and needed a place to put them!
Love and Respect!
Ok- so WHAT IS LOVE? We all seem to want it with many stipulations. I want to love without breaking my heart. We resist having out hearts broken. You know the phrase "Oh she broke my heart" "He's a heart breaker" "They got their heart broken".
Then we think we want love but do we? We dream what it would be like to have our perfect puzzle piece (I stole that phrase from one of my friends!) However, we are to frightened to actually dive in and make commitment. Don't get me wrong, I am just as terrified as the next person. But why am I so terrified? Why is it that which I want I almost ensure I don't have?
I am not a serial monogamous person. I do not sleep around. I have not dated in just over a year- and that was only a couple months at most! In the last two and a half years I have had three boyfriends all lasting under 4 months. I was the one, every time to break them off. Does that mean they weren't right for me? Does that mean I wasn't right for them? Does that mean I don't like commitment? Does that mean I wasn't in the right pace to be in a relationship?
People construct these ideas of who their perfect person will be- and then when they meet they are too terrified to do anything about it! And then there is always the argument "how do you meet people?" Well- I really do not believe it is a science! I met my friends, my past boyfriends, many many other people in my life! Relationships are happening out there, just not to me! I am sure that many people have various stories of how they met. Whether through work, a friend, online, in a coffee shop, in line at the grocery store, or at the gym! I don't know how people meet other people- but I assure you, it does happen!
Back to the topic of love- if we go in with preconceived notions that we don't want to get hurt or that the other person only wants sex, or that they are too good for us, or that we are too good for them, or they have brown hair and I really like blonds, or their boobs are too big or too small, or their dicks might be too big or too small, or their too hairy, I don't like their clothes, I don't like the way they asked me out they should have done it like this instead... blah blah blah blah blah
I mean we are really- and I mean REALLY- limiting our options. I don't know if any of you are Seinfeld lovers like myself- but think about Jerry! If we all are Jerry's what is going to happen to this world?!! Question for you all!!! Are we really feeling the way their hair is styled is a "deal breaker"? Or are we just to damn chicken shit to actually take a gamble that our hearts will be broken. OR WORSE... our hearts WON'T be broken and all our dreams will come true. Or at least one part of the dream I mean a love-relationship really won't make all our dreams come true will it!? Or will it?! I don't know the answer for you but I write this because I have been contemplating these very questions the last little while and needed a place to put them!
Love and Respect!
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